Fighting the Battle – Week 2

I don’t know what to really say about this past week.  A week before last I was getting three days of chemo treatments.  It felt like I was doing something in the fight.

This past week was different because there was only a blood draw and doctor’s visit at the end of the week.  Like really at the end of the week—the consultation was at 4:30 pm Friday afternoon.  Shouldn’t they all be going home then?

According to them, week two looks at my blood to see how the chemo has affected it.  Week three, which is the week we are now going into, is free from anything.  I was told that these two off weeks are for the body to recover from the chemo and let the immune system build up again.

My blood tests were good.  The only thing that was out of range was sodium.  It was one point lower than the range it was to be in.  I was told to add some salt to my diet.  How ironic—I have purposedly been using little to no salt, mostly for Dennis, but thought it would be good for me also.  Well, I guess that was an incorrect assumption.

The weirdness of this all has not escaped me.  Sometimes I wonder that there are big fat ugly cancer cells growing in my body, why can’t I feel those evil things? Then I wonder that all these big boy nasty chemotherapy drugs are dumped into my body fighting these big fat ugly cancer cells, why can’t I feel that battle going on?  Yes, I know, I am blessed not to feel either.  It just makes the reality of this seem a bit unbelievable.

To make me feel like I was in the fight, I made two chemo shirts.  The second day of chemo I had a no-nonsense nurse.  She was friendly enough, but didn’t have any real warmth, or sense of humor, or whatever it is that I look for when working for hours with someone.  As she is prepping me for the infusion, I held the neck of my tee shirt out of the way so she can access the port on my right chest.  She commented I needed a chemo shirt because they are going to be stretching out the neckline on my tee shirts.  My first thought was that it’s not a big deal in the scope of things.  Minor inconvenience – I have bigger battles to fight than worry about the neckline of some tee shirt I am wearing.

After I got home, I went to Amazon to look at chemo shirts.  I wasn’t impressed.  I didn’t want to pay twenty to thirty dollars or more per shirt that had several zippers.  Obviously, these shirts are for several different kind of ports and pic lines.  They had multiple zippers.  Then I decided to google how to make your own tee shirt into a chemo shirt.  Lo and behold, YouTube videos popped up.  I watched a couple of them and decided I like the idea of making my own.  All I need is a 9” zipper and away I go.  

Many nice things have happened this past week.  I received a pretty lap quilt from a cousin out of town.  I received several cards and letters in the mail from Arizona, Missouri, Illinois, and Tennessee.  I also received a video from John O’Leary.  That was a real surprise.  If you don’t know who I am referring to, the movie, “Soul on Fire,” which is now streaming on Netflix, Apple TV, and Fandango at Home, is about his life story.  Click here to see the blog I wrote about the movie.  I have known John for 15 years, but I never expected him with his horrendously busy schedule to stop and make me a video.  It just warmed my heart. Unfortunately, it won’t let me post the video here, but if you are a friend of my Facebook page, you can see it there.

I think a lot about my sister, Judy.  She battled cancer in 2012.  Her battle lasted only a few months.  She was terribly sick the whole time.  She couldn’t tolerate the chemo; she ran a constant fever.  The type of tumor she had was bad and extremely aggressive.  On the other hand, I have none of the symptoms or reactions she had.  Our tumor types are different—I don’t know if that is the difference, or if I just have a different kind of immune system.  I still grieve losing her, although I know one day we will be reunited. 

I am purposedly making sure to have gratitude daily.  Here are just a few things am I grateful for:

1. Grateful that I have not felt sick during the treatments or afterward.  Not sure if that will remain that way, but for now I am very grateful.
2. Grateful I am waking up every morning for a new day.
3. Grateful for beautiful sunsets.
4. Grateful for family and friends who have reached out in so many different ways to be of encouragement.
5. Grateful for my family, all my sons, daughters-in-law, grandchildren, and my sister who are standing by me and encouraging me.
6. Grateful for Dennis, who is right by me 24/7.  I know that must be very unsettling for him.
7. Grateful that I have a loving and faithful Savior who is walking with me through this journey.  Jesus has given me peace that passes any understanding.  I am amazed at how at peace I am.

I saw a quote on John O’Leary’s website, johnolearyinspires.com, which says, “We get to choose our mindset in every situation, no matter how bleak it seems.”  That’s really it—I can choose to be angry, or I can choose to have joy.  I can choose to feel frozen in place or I can choose to keep moving forward, one step at a time, one day at a time.  I am not the only person afflicted with this disease. I don’t think I really thought about how many people are currently being treated for cancer, how many people have recovered from cancer, and how many people did not win their battle with cancer.  The numbers seem enormous.   

I never thought that the word cancer would become a normal part of my vocabulary, along with words like chemotherapy, immunotherapy, port, labs, etc.  I knew all those words but barely used them about others and never used them about myself.  But here I am, making these words a familiar friend.